I was widowed on 9th April 1986. My husband was sick for three months and I almost lost my job as a civil servant because I had to look after him for all that time. It was a terrible experience but then I had to accept it. It was difficult explaining to the young ones that Daddy was no more.

After the funeral which took place at our home village, I had to go back to town to work. This was taken to mean that I did not love my husband – probably I had a hand his death. This happens to most widows in Africa, i.e. accused of being witches and causing the death of their husbands!! Culturally, a widow is supposed to mourn for quite a long time – probably three months mourning every day by the graveside – to show how much she loved the husband. Anyway, I went back to work.

Of course life changed – I had to take two extra jobs – one at a commercial school – teaching shorthand the typewriting from 7 00 am to 8 00a am and another after 5 00 pm – at a hotel as a copy typist. I had six children to cater for with a salary which was Uganda shillings 12,000 per month (twelve thousand in 1986).

Then there was insurgency in my home district i.e. Pallisa. One day about twenty people arrived from my village – my relatives and my in-laws – running away from insurgency. I felt like wailing – remind them that I was a widow struggling to care for my children - but then, it was not their liking - they were simply running away to save their lives. So I had twenty people added to my family. Thank God I was in a Government house – quite big and spacious – but then, there was the problem of feeding that big group!! Anyway, no situation lasts forever, I went through it.

In most African cultures, widows have to be inherited in order to remain in the deceased husband’s compound. I was not inherited – I spent most of my time in town with my children. They were able to go through their Primary school education, I saw them going to secondary and I am proud to say that on 27th October 2005, my last born son, who was four years old by the time his dad passed away, graduated with a bachelor of laws degree from one of our best universities, i.e. Makerere University which the best University in Uganda.
I was blessed to have education and be trained as a Secretary. At the time I was growing up, most parents were not educating the girl child, they just stayed at home and waited to get married, beginning at the age of probably 15. And so when they are widowed, they have no alternative but to depend on the heir who can do whatever he wants to them.

I have seen many widows suffering and children being pulled out of school to help the mother make a living by doing casual labour in other people’s gardens. Others are taken to towns to work as house helps and when they are girls, within no time, they are sexually abused and perhaps end up with unwanted pregnancy and of course sent back to the widowed mother. This is one of the reasons that made me start a women’s organisation – to address some of these issues.

Raising up children single-handed is one of the most difficult things. It was difficult for me, Those who inherited widows, in most cases, are just after sex and even when those widows give birth to their offspring, it is the widow who must provide for their welfare. Sometimes it is quite hard to look after one’s children when one re-marries. One has to move over to the new husband and leave the children in their clan. This of course is different from being inherited – the inherited widow stays in her deceased husband’s home and the heir comes over and occupies the place of the deceased. I purposed not to re-marry.

I resigned my job in the first Hospital in Uganda i.e. Mengo Hospital, shortly after being promoted to the position of Assistant Human Resource Manager. I had to turn down the promotion and all its benefits because the burden for rural women kept nagging me and I felt that God had called me to work with the rural women – it had been a long awaited answer to prayer. I am now full time working in Pallisa as Executive Director of Woman of Purpose. Most times we want to work from the comfort zones, but I felt an urge to leave the comfort of city life and go to serve in Pallisa. There are many organisations congested in the city and in urban areas but quite scanty in the rural areas particularly where we are operating.