Comments on: Closets

By: Mary

Mary — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 15:20:45 +0000

Michele,
Thank you for sharing that. Within a few months after my husband died, I entered into a relationship that I now realize was for all the wrong reasons. I was lonely, afraid, and quite frankly was trying to replace Steve. Carole Brody-Fleet calls this “plugging holes”–trying to fill the void of the deceased loved one. I ended that relationship within nine months and then had a short relationship with another man. While I know those relationships were not exactly healthy, I have no regrets because they were just part of my necessary journey. Since those relationships, I completely took a break from seeking a relationship in order to focus on who I am and to become content with my widow status and my life independent from Steve. During that year I became at peace with my life. I can now say that I am in total acceptance of my life. I can say that I love myself and who I have become. Quite by accident I recently met a man with whom I am in a relationship. This relationship feels right. He is not intimidated by my widow status. He understands that I still love Steve, but that I have abundant love for him. At this point I cannot say where this journey with my new love will go, but I am hopeful, excited, and happy. My friends tell me that they are elated to see me the happiest I have been since prior to Steve’s passing. They know it is partly because of the growth I have made during this journey and partly because of my new found love.

By: Jeannie

Jeannie — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 18:40:59 +0000

I am still Earl’s wife even though he died six months ago. I write letters to a former high school classmate who is widowed three years ago. He has been a real comfort and understands that I will always love my husband and I’m not ready to begin a relationship with another man while the grief is so raw.

By: Ann

Ann — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 13:19:57 +0000

I have been a widow for only two months, but I understand what you are saying, Michele. A turning point in my widowhood came when I suddenly said to myself “I’d rather have a dead husband than no husband.” There was a realization that Gregory is still my husband, though of course not the way he was when he was alive. So I understand what you mean when you say “that being “Phil’s widow is the only way I can still be his wife.” I know what you mean. I will always be Gregory’s wife. He is in another place now, so I can’t be his wife the way I was. It is a deep spiritual thing. If I were to find someone else to love that would be fine, but it would never diminish my love for Gregory one bit.