Comments on: The Emotions of Grief http://widow-speak.org/blog/2008/10/13/the-emotions-of-grief/ Fri, 18 May 2012 15:14:03 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.3 By: lily http://widow-speak.org/blog/2008/10/13/the-emotions-of-grief/#comment-16256 lily Tue, 29 Dec 2009 21:58:15 +0000 http://widow-speak.org/blog/2008/10/13/the-emotions-of-grief/#comment-16256 my husband died two months ago. Coping not well at all. Fear and stress and anxiety are my constant companions. I live rurally and have no support groups or neighbors near by. "They" say not to make hasty decisions but boy do I want to move and be near people and support services. This is happening in the winter. Never had to shovel and not fit physically or emotionally now. my husband died two months ago. Coping not well at all. Fear and stress and anxiety are my constant companions. I live rurally and have no support groups or neighbors near by. “They” say not to make hasty decisions but boy do I want to move and be near people and support services. This is happening in the winter. Never had to shovel and not fit physically or emotionally now.

]]> By: Maria http://widow-speak.org/blog/2008/10/13/the-emotions-of-grief/#comment-16170 Maria Mon, 20 Oct 2008 23:57:32 +0000 http://widow-speak.org/blog/2008/10/13/the-emotions-of-grief/#comment-16170 In response to the question, my answer is "badly." I lost my husband on 22 February 2007 and it still feels fresh and raw. I manage to get through most days by simply putting one foot in front of the other; however, it feels as though I'm dragging myself upstream against the current or I'm trying to navigate in a fog. One of the ways I've tried to describe grief is as follows: imagine carrying a huge rock around with you everywhere you go. You can't set it down, it's too big to throw away and there's only one way to carry it. When you try to go to sleep, it sits on your chest and keeps you from breathing. Perhaps I'll be able to chip away at it as time goes on; friends tell me I'm "doing well" since I've actually laughed on a few occasions. What no one knows, however, is that I haven't felt true joy/happiness/lightness of being since my status changed to Widow. When my husband died, he took my life spark with him. I pretend that everything's OK, but it's not. It'll never be truly OK again and I find it hard to believe that I'll ever be OK again. I don't cry at the office; I sometimes cry in public; I usually cry in my car (BTW, I advise against that if you're on a winding road with no shoulders) wherever I'm going and often out of the blue for no apparent reason except the realization of how huge and ireparable this loss is. It's an odd thing to know that my life -- and who I was as a person -- stopped on 2/22/2007. I grieve the life I lost and the loss of the man I loved, still do and always will. I have no advice to give on grieving and coping with loss. All I can share is my experience and hope that it helps someone else feel as though she's not alone in this process. We all grieve in our own ways -- my grief is understandable only to me -- since we are all unique in our own ways. A common thread unites those who've experienced this loss, but the qualities of my thread are different from everyone else's. There's no timeline with milestones to meet in the grieving process: it takes as long as it takes. I guess it's taking me longer than some others, but that's OK -- it's my timeline and my process. And the journey is painful. In response to the question, my answer is “badly.” I lost my husband on 22 February 2007 and it still feels fresh and raw. I manage to get through most days by simply putting one foot in front of the other; however, it feels as though I’m dragging myself upstream against the current or I’m trying to navigate in a fog.
One of the ways I’ve tried to describe grief is as follows: imagine carrying a huge rock around with you everywhere you go. You can’t set it down, it’s too big to throw away and there’s only one way to carry it. When you try to go to sleep, it sits on your chest and keeps you from breathing. Perhaps I’ll be able to chip away at it as time goes on; friends tell me I’m “doing well” since I’ve actually laughed on a few occasions.
What no one knows, however, is that I haven’t felt true joy/happiness/lightness of being since my status changed to Widow. When my husband died, he took my life spark with him.
I pretend that everything’s OK, but it’s not. It’ll never be truly OK again and I find it hard to believe that I’ll ever be OK again.
I don’t cry at the office; I sometimes cry in public; I usually cry in my car (BTW, I advise against that if you’re on a winding road with no shoulders) wherever I’m going and often out of the blue for no apparent reason except the realization of how huge and ireparable this loss is. It’s an odd thing to know that my life — and who I was as a person — stopped on 2/22/2007. I grieve the life I lost and the loss of the man I loved, still do and always will.
I have no advice to give on grieving and coping with loss. All I can share is my experience and hope that it helps someone else feel as though she’s not alone in this process. We all grieve in our own ways — my grief is understandable only to me — since we are all unique in our own ways. A common thread unites those who’ve experienced this loss, but the qualities of my thread are different from everyone else’s. There’s no timeline with milestones to meet in the grieving process: it takes as long as it takes. I guess it’s taking me longer than some others, but that’s OK — it’s my timeline and my process. And the journey is painful.

]]> By: Daw http://widow-speak.org/blog/2008/10/13/the-emotions-of-grief/#comment-16168 Daw Tue, 14 Oct 2008 15:40:22 +0000 http://widow-speak.org/blog/2008/10/13/the-emotions-of-grief/#comment-16168 I try to let the feelings and tears come when they want to. One day I'm fine, the next day grief will hit me like a rock and I'll cry over nothing. I just passed the one year mark since my husband died (October 11). I was feeling ok on the day but the next day I crashed. Strange thing, grief is. I also look back over the past year and it seems like I've been in a hospital trying to recover from a trauma; now, they've released me and sent me home to continue healing. It's just beginning. I'm not as far along in my grief journey as I thought I was. I try to let the feelings and tears come when they want to. One day I’m fine, the next day grief will hit me like a rock and I’ll cry over nothing. I just passed the one year mark since my husband died (October 11). I was feeling ok on the day but the next day I crashed. Strange thing, grief is.

I also look back over the past year and it seems like I’ve been in a hospital trying to recover from a trauma; now, they’ve released me and sent me home to continue healing. It’s just beginning. I’m not as far along in my grief journey as I thought I was.

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