Comments on: WHAT TO DO WITH WEDDING RINGS http://widow-speak.org/blog/2008/07/17/what-to-do-with-wedding-rings/ Wed, 07 Jan 2009 13:37:42 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.3 By: Diane http://widow-speak.org/blog/2008/07/17/what-to-do-with-wedding-rings/#comment-16189 Diane Tue, 16 Dec 2008 06:27:42 +0000 http://widow-speak.org/blog/2008/07/17/what-to-do-with-wedding-rings/#comment-16189 My husband had never taken his ring off while he was alive and I wasn't going to take it away from him. The 1st time I checked off the box [ ] widow - I realized that our marriage was no more and felt that the rings on my finger were not telling my life as it was now. I didn't want to take them off - because I was not single either (at least in my heart). I felt that I needed to "make it right", and began a search for a widow's ring. I wanted a 3rd ring, a mourning ring, black, and symbolic of our love. The search was frustrating and expensive. I even learned to make wire sculpted rings. I found a source to "special order" my black widow rings. I found that a hematite ring is very comforting. The thin black bands fit comfortable next to the wedding rings, a solitaire can be worn when you take off your rings and your finger does not feel bare. The collection includes a black 6mm band with the serenity prayer inside the band. Now I wear an Eternity of Tears... a wide band with pear shaped stones side by side. I think that removing the rings should be a matter of heart not time. And each one of us should do what feels right - I have found my solace and want to offer the comfort that I found to other grieving women. Diane My husband had never taken his ring off while he was alive and I wasn’t going to take it away from him. The 1st time I checked off the box [ ] widow - I realized that our marriage was no more and felt that the rings on my finger were not telling my life as it was now. I didn’t want to take them off - because I was not single either (at least in my heart). I felt that I needed to “make it right”, and began a search for a widow’s ring. I wanted a 3rd ring, a mourning ring, black, and symbolic of our love. The search was frustrating and expensive.
I even learned to make wire sculpted rings. I found a source to “special order” my black widow rings. I found that a hematite ring is very comforting. The thin black bands fit comfortable next to the wedding rings, a solitaire can be worn when you take off your rings and your finger does not feel bare. The collection includes a black 6mm band with the serenity prayer inside the band. Now I wear an Eternity of Tears… a wide band with pear shaped stones side by side.
I think that removing the rings should be a matter of heart not time. And each one of us should do what feels right - I have found my solace and want to offer the comfort that I found to other grieving women.
Diane

]]> By: Leslie http://widow-speak.org/blog/2008/07/17/what-to-do-with-wedding-rings/#comment-16163 Leslie Sun, 07 Sep 2008 18:53:45 +0000 http://widow-speak.org/blog/2008/07/17/what-to-do-with-wedding-rings/#comment-16163 My husband passed away in November 2007, from a massive heart attack. He had the attack on Nov. 2, and passed away on Nov. 5, 2007 so I had him for 3 days in the hospital. I have and will continue to thank God that he came to enough one night and was fully conscious for him to hear me tell him I loved him and for him to nod and try to speak but he couldn't as he had a vent in his mouth, but at least I got to tell him and watch him try to tell me he loved me, which is much more than alot of widows are allowed due to sudden deaths. But his right hand and wrist had been amputated, due to vascular disease and he wasn't allowed to wear anything on his left hand or wrist so he kept his ring on a chain around his neck. Of course the day he went into the hospital I took his ring off the chain and placed it over my own matching wedding band and then put my engagement ring on so it kept his bigger band in place on my hand. I haven't taken them off since even though it is approaching a year since he's been gone. Neither one of us wanted this to happen, and I don't "feel " single even though in reality I know I am. My mum continues to wear her rings even though its been 8 years since my dad passed away. I have no thoughts of ever taking my rings off...just doesn't seem the right thing to do for me, so they will stay where they are. Leslie My husband passed away in November 2007, from a massive heart attack. He had the attack on Nov. 2, and passed away on Nov. 5, 2007 so I had him for 3 days in the hospital. I have and will continue to thank God that he came to enough one night and was fully conscious for him to hear me tell him I loved him and for him to nod and try to speak but he couldn’t as he had a vent in his mouth, but at least I got to tell him and watch him try to tell me he loved me, which is much more than alot of widows are allowed due to sudden deaths. But his right hand and wrist had been amputated, due to vascular disease and he wasn’t allowed to wear anything on his left hand or wrist so he kept his ring on a chain around his neck. Of course the day he went into the hospital I took his ring off the chain and placed it over my own matching wedding band and then put my engagement ring on so it kept his bigger band in place on my hand. I haven’t taken them off since even though it is approaching a year since he’s been gone. Neither one of us wanted this to happen, and I don’t “feel ” single even though in reality I know I am. My mum continues to wear her rings even though its been 8 years since my dad passed away. I have no thoughts of ever taking my rings off…just doesn’t seem the right thing to do for me, so they will stay where they are.
Leslie

]]> By: Marla http://widow-speak.org/blog/2008/07/17/what-to-do-with-wedding-rings/#comment-16162 Marla Sun, 24 Aug 2008 18:55:27 +0000 http://widow-speak.org/blog/2008/07/17/what-to-do-with-wedding-rings/#comment-16162 My husband passed away suddenly from cardiac arrest last Dec. (2007). I did not even think about his ring until the funeral director asked if I wanted his ring ~~ just before we closed his casket for the final time. Neither one of us could get the ring over his knuckle, so he still has it on. I did want it to wear on a necklace, but it wasn't meant to be, evidently. As far as my wedding rings, I still wear them on my left hand where I have worn a wedding band and engagement ring since we married 39 yrs ago. My hand is just too bare w/o them. I have been thinking about having the engagement diamond and the diamonds in my band reset or remade into another ring. Some other widows I know have had a widow ring made to wear on their left hand. Usually it has black diamonds, and some seem to use some of their diamonds from wedding rings with it. I had never heard of a widow's ring. So, not so sure about them. Anyway, right now, mine are still where they have been for years. My husband passed away suddenly from cardiac arrest last Dec. (2007). I did not even think about his ring until the funeral director asked if I wanted his ring ~~ just before we closed his casket for the final time. Neither one of us could get the ring over his knuckle, so he still has it on. I did want it to wear on a necklace, but it wasn’t meant to be, evidently.
As far as my wedding rings, I still wear them on my left hand where I have worn a wedding band and engagement ring since we married 39 yrs ago. My hand is just too bare w/o them.
I have been thinking about having the engagement diamond and the diamonds in my band reset or remade into another ring.
Some other widows I know have had a widow ring made to wear on their left hand. Usually it has black diamonds, and some seem to use some of their diamonds from wedding rings with it. I had never heard of a widow’s ring. So, not so sure about them.
Anyway, right now, mine are still where they have been for years.

]]> By: Roberta http://widow-speak.org/blog/2008/07/17/what-to-do-with-wedding-rings/#comment-16160 Roberta Sat, 16 Aug 2008 23:38:01 +0000 http://widow-speak.org/blog/2008/07/17/what-to-do-with-wedding-rings/#comment-16160 The day before my husband died the thought of if I should remove his ring crossed my mind. Then later that day I had my answer when I stepped on it. He had lost so much weight it had fallen off. A local jeweler made it into a necklace. I love wearing it. I took my ring off six months after his death, not because I wanted to but because I had gained so much weight if I did not take it off it would need to be cut off. I had it resized for my right hand. I am back to my normal weight, and when alone sometimes I wistfully slip it on to my left hand. The day before my husband died the thought of if I should remove his ring crossed my mind. Then later that day I had my answer when I stepped on it. He had lost so much weight it had fallen off.

A local jeweler made it into a necklace. I love wearing it.

I took my ring off six months after his death, not because I wanted to but because I had gained so much weight if I did not take it off it would need to be cut off. I had it resized for my right hand. I am back to my normal weight, and when alone sometimes I wistfully slip it on to my left hand.

]]> By: Maria http://widow-speak.org/blog/2008/07/17/what-to-do-with-wedding-rings/#comment-16152 Maria Sat, 19 Jul 2008 23:48:33 +0000 http://widow-speak.org/blog/2008/07/17/what-to-do-with-wedding-rings/#comment-16152 I must admit, I was intrigued by the title of this piece -- wondered if anyone else had thought about what to do with his ring. It never occurred to me to let the ring go with him, since it was the one tangible piece of him left to me. We'd even had the same thing inscribed inside our wedding bands. The problem was that his ring is far too big for me to wear on my hand; I wear it on a chain around my neck, and have since the day he died. I even kept it on through an EKG. The other change I made was to leave my engagement and anniversary bands on my left hand (gifts from him, both) and to move my wedding band to my right hand -- a widow's band. Whether I see it as a triangle or circle, I still feel protected by him, surrounded by him. I don't know whether I'll ever take my rings off -- our kids'll probably have to pry them off my stiff cadaver whenever my time comes to join him. And they can take his ring from me then, too. For now, for today, I choose to wear the rings. He may be gone, but the contract's still in force; the rings are mine now, but I still belong to him wherever he is. I must admit, I was intrigued by the title of this piece — wondered if anyone else had thought about what to do with his ring. It never occurred to me to let the ring go with him, since it was the one tangible piece of him left to me. We’d even had the same thing inscribed inside our wedding bands.
The problem was that his ring is far too big for me to wear on my hand; I wear it on a chain around my neck, and have since the day he died. I even kept it on through an EKG.
The other change I made was to leave my engagement and anniversary bands on my left hand (gifts from him, both) and to move my wedding band to my right hand — a widow’s band. Whether I see it as a triangle or circle, I still feel protected by him, surrounded by him.
I don’t know whether I’ll ever take my rings off — our kids’ll probably have to pry them off my stiff cadaver whenever my time comes to join him. And they can take his ring from me then, too.
For now, for today, I choose to wear the rings.
He may be gone, but the contract’s still in force; the rings are mine now, but I still belong to him wherever he is.

]]> By: Pamela Moore http://widow-speak.org/blog/2008/07/17/what-to-do-with-wedding-rings/#comment-16151 Pamela Moore Fri, 18 Jul 2008 15:26:36 +0000 http://widow-speak.org/blog/2008/07/17/what-to-do-with-wedding-rings/#comment-16151 How good it was to read the blog on wedding bands. I lost my husband 11/07 and as you know it's been tough. Reading in bed one night the chapter in a book was about when to remove your rings. Also that you are now a single person. Well I never thought about it like that. Denial ? I know he's gone. But that hurt beyond belief. I still wear my rings and am not ready to remove them yet. Perhaps that really makes it final. Last week I started to clean out closets and drawers. Got rid of a lot of my things. His are in plastic bags just sitting there. Also spent a lot of time shredding papers with his personal information. One step at a time is all I can do. How good it was to read the blog on wedding bands. I lost my husband 11/07 and as you know it’s been tough.
Reading in bed one night the chapter in a book was about when to remove your rings. Also that you are now a single person. Well I never thought about it like that. Denial ? I know he’s gone. But that hurt beyond belief. I still wear my rings and am not ready to remove them yet. Perhaps that really makes it final.
Last week I started to clean out closets and drawers. Got rid of a lot of my things. His are in plastic bags just sitting there. Also spent a lot of time shredding papers with his personal information.
One step at a time is all I can do.

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